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In the 1970s, Lily Tomlin developed an iconic comic character she named Ernestine--a telephone clerk who took perverse pleasure from hectoring customers. Her character was a perfect portrayal of the arrogance of AT&T, the monopolistic telephone giant of that day. In one skit on on the TV show, Laugh-In, Tomlin had Ernestine delivering a TV pitch for the corporation:
"A gracious hello," she cheerfully began, speaking directly into the camera. "Here at the Phone Company, we handle 84 billion calls a year. So, we realize that every so often, you can't get an operator, or for no apparent reason your phone goes out of order, or perhaps you get charged for a call you didn't make. We don't care!"
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WANTED: WAR CZAR
An unusual help-wanted ad has come out of Washington. It reads: WANTED: Full-time turnaround specialist to take charge of large empire-building enterprise. Duties include development of a plan, coordination of outsized egos, 24/7 damage control, and refurbishment of the institution's image. Requries experience at correcting past errors, multi-tasking ability, crisis-management skills, and a strong stomach. Send resumes to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
The Bushite's – in a move that would be comic were it not so tragically-pathetic – are looking for a "war czar." This person is to oversee the war in Iraq and will have the authority to issue directions to the Pentagon, State Department and all other agencies involved in the war. Presumably, that would include the CIA, the Department of Halliburton and the bunker of Dick Cheney.
Of course, the Founders provided for a war czar when they wrote the Constitution. They called their czar "the president," designating this offical as the commander in chief. Can you imagine George Washington or Abe Lincoln saying, "You know, I think I need a awar czar to help me out." Apparently, by trying to create a new czar, the White House is finally admitting that George W just isn't up to the job of being in charge of his own war.
However, the performance of our self-proclaimed "war president" has been so disastrous that the Bushites are having a hard time finding anyone willing to take the czar job. Three retired four-star generals have already turned down the offer. As one of them, retired Marine General Jack Sheehan, said: "The very fundamental issue is, they don't know where the hell they're going."
This is Jim Hightower saying... Bush & Company don't need a czar – they need a clue! Their war policy was wrong from the start, has been incompetently run, is a moral stain on our country, and is being prolonged as a flailing act of their political desperation. Forget managing the war – get out of it!
"Red flag or white flag? Bush wants somebody else to run Iraq war." Austin American Statesman, April 13, 2007
"3 Generals Spurn the Position of War 'Czar'" Washington Post, April 11, 2007.