Jim Hightower

There are two kinds of people – those who think there are two kinds of people, and those who think it might be a little more complex than that.

Wal-Mart has decided that there definitely are more than two kinds of people. There are three. At least, that's how the retailing behemoth now categorizes those people who come into its stores. After a year of intensive research, sociological analysis, and careful reading of a Ouija board, Wal-Mart has now declared that you shoppers are either "brand aspirationals" (low-income folks obsessed with buying brand-name stuff), "price-sensitive affluents" (more upscale customers on the prowl for deals), or "value-priced shoppers" (those who can only afford the cheap stuff).

What led to this marketing mumbo-jumbo is the fact that the giant company has become wobbly with faltering financial performance and a bad public image. So it's been struggling to redefine itself after 44 years of pitching its cheap wares under the slogan of "Low prices, always."

In 2006, however, Wal-Mart decided to become more upscale, urban, and urbane, offering designer clothing and fancy goods. It pitched this new Wal-Martique image under the slogan of "Look beyond the basics." It was a disaster. New shoppers didn't come and old shoppers were somewhere between confused and insulted.

After analyzing you customers, however, Wal-Mart's honchos say they now finally understand why you shop there: You want good deals, but you also want brand names. So, whether you're a "brand aspirational," a "price-sensitive affluent," or a "value-price shopper," Wal-Mart claims that it has the stuff you want. To pitch the latest remake, they've come up with a snappy new slogan: "Saving people money so they can live better lives." The acronym for that mouthful is, SPMSTCLBL. Really sings, doesn't it?

This is Jim Hightower saying... What would Sam Walton think?