What the hell do you give 'em for the holidays?
Well, give 'em hell.
Or at least give some agitation at a helluva bargain price.
(Holidays are VERY SOON.)
THE WHITE HOUSE HOT TUB
Bill Clinton is in hot water . . . literally!
Thanks to Steve Hancock, head of a California company, a White House hot tub has been installed near the south lawn of the President's House. It's no ordinary, tacky tub either -- we're talking a seven-seater, top-of-the-line model called the "Grandee." It holds 500 gallons of water and has 25 adjustable jets. Hancock brags, "You can have different jet things going on. You can bounce around and have different jets affect different parts of your body."
I'm no prude, but this doesn't sound very presidential. Then again, if Richard Nixon had had a hot tub squirting him with 25 different jets, maybe he wouldn't have been so uptight and gotten into that Watergate mess.
Also, tubbing could foster bipartisanship. It took Clinton, Newt Gingrich and Trent Lott forever to come-up with their recent budget agreement, and they didn't produce a very good one even then. So next time, maybe Bill, Newt and Trent could take a hot tub together and get all the kinks worked out much earlier. What a sight that would be, huh? And think of the diplomatic possibilities -- Bill in the national tub with Boris Yeltsin!
This $7,500, seven-seater tub is a gift from Hancock's company, but White House spokesman Mike McCurry said it was not a gift to Clinton himself [quote] "The people of the United States own this," said McCurry. So, if we own it, can we use it? Like the saying goes, "Everyone gets 15 minutes of fame" . . . but what about 15 minutes in the Presidential Tub? I even think it would be great if someone would run for president on the promise of : Elect Me and I'll Let You Use the Tub. I'd vote for that -- it's a better deal than the hosing we usually get from the White House.
This is Jim Hightower saying . . . I'm sure any ol' ordinary citizen is welcome to use the tub . . . just like you can sleep overnight in the Lincoln Bedroom or have coffee with the President . . . for a price.
"White House Addition Lets President Enjoy Being in Hot Water." by James Bennet. New York Times: July 26, 1997.